Raising Girls vs. Boys (Title fight for the ADHD belt)

A hurricane and a tornado

In the photo above is a pair of kids who adore each other and despise each other. Both Auggie and Tiny are brilliant children and because of having ADHD they’ve both gone through the rigors of being tested for ADHD and as such cannot use any excuse concerning intellect. I don’t know? Nah. (That’s for another time.)

As usual, I’m only able to write from my perspective. I’m not sure I can offer “good” advice but I can explain what seems to be working for me and them and give a peak into the lives of a household with ADHD.

Meet the contenders

Auggie lives with ADHD and OCD. One can drive the other to newer and newer heights but he’s a smart kid and works really hard (most times) to recognize when he’s obsessing over something (previous entries discuss the OCD). Tiny also lives with ADHD but her main “struggle” is ODD (Oppositional defiance disorder). I haven’t written about that one as much but I do plan to because it’s a potent disorder. She is naturally defiant. Obviously, that can cause some major issues in her school life and home life.

How they coexist:

Auggie never seemed bothered by not being the “baby” after Tiny was born. In fact, he did everything he could to make her laugh. He misses her when she’s not with him and sometimes when they agree to be civil they have more giggles than the legal limit. The beautiful moments. Then, there’s the thunderstorm warning moments. Because both of them have similar issues they can feed each other into negative moments. Auggie becomes more physically aggressive while Tiny uses uses her clever mind and sharp tongue to elicit a response. It was a wonder of mine if it was the difference between the sexes until… Huggy. Huggy (youngest daughter) is very similar to Auggie in her mannerisms BUT after she was born she decided that taking anything other than giggles serious was not going to happen without a fight. And she will fight. She also prefers to use physical force to convey her aggravations. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not “destructive” or violent. Some of the things they do and the way they act reminds me of the stories my mother would tell me about my older brother and sister. At the end of the day, their children and will, at times, REALLY act like it.

How we coexist:

I’ll admit that I was softer on my oldest daughter in her toddler days. She made leaps and bounds in the maturity department and would not be outdone by her older brother. Each child has similar and different interest and I attempt to provide the things that bring them joy. It truly is a “learn as you go” with Auggie, Tiny and Huggy because they’re wired in a unique manner. Most days are good but there are trigger moments where understanding that their motor is driving them and not their heart takes longer than it should on both sides.

To be continued

For now, the belt is still up for grabs. I assume that when they get into their teenage years it will be easier to decide which group was harder to raise. So far, both the boys and girls are tied for giving their Deddy a LOT of gray hair on the ol’ goatee.

Next week

A good topic, I think, is what to expect of a child with the gift of acronyms when life isn’t going exactly as they planned. A warning ahead of time… hang on and hold fast.

God bless,

Just Jared

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