Last Sunday’s late night conversation with Tiny will be another one that sticks with me forever. She was fairly reserved for about an hour before we parted and just all around not saying too much. When I was almost at the vehicle to leave she bolted outside for one more hug (common theme now that I do not discourage.) This hug was different.
Tiny has always had issues with being too close to someone physically. She gives one arm hugs or will literally turn to the side when getting a hug. She can’t tolerate someone’s face being close to her face and will literally start believing that she can’t breath. Yelling out that you can’t breath is a quick way to get your personal space back (free advice, no charge.) She’s not one to be held down or grappled and will become a furious fighting force if that occurs. But… this hug was different and I immediately knew it. Another point of reference concerning Tiny is that she HATES crying. She’s tough and has always been tough. I’ve encouraged her to cry numerous times and attempt to hold her in a way where her face is hidden. Otherwise, she’s gonna bottle those emotions and get vintage dates stamped on.
She grabbed me with both arms and squeezed me tightly. A few seconds passed and she was still hugging me. No brainer… I asked, “what’s going on, baby?”
She released her death grip and looked at me, “do we have to talk about it?”
“Talk about what, darling?”
Her eyes began to water and she began studying the ground, “divorce. I cry when I talk about it.”
“Well… I might too. We don’t have to talk about it but you can ask me anything. You can always talk to me. ”
She began to cry and spoke through her sobs, “I don’t know who to live with,” she said quickly as if time was an issue before wrapping me in another hug.
“Tiny girl… you’ll spend half your time with me and half with your mother. You don’t have to choose anybody. Were you afraid of having to hurt mine or your mother’s feelings?”
She wept for a few moments before shaking her head yes.
“Baby, me nor your mother could stand being away from you for too long so we have this system for everybody to have equal time. Why did you think you’d have to choose?”
“My friend at school said she’s picking her daddy because he’s nice. I thought about (her personal thoughts on me) and (her personal thoughts on her mother) so I don’t know what to do and I’m scared.”
“You don’t have to choose, darling. You’ll stay with both of us at different times but never too long away from the other. Aren’t you glad you talked about it now?”
She nodded her head, set her tough meter to full and smiled at me. “I love you Da-da. I’m going back in. I love you goodnight.”
I was able to say the same before she ran though the door. I’ve learned a lot from my children. Tiny is a wise little lady that thinks deeply but she doesn’t know everything. I often forget that. We have discussed the divorce multiple times but aspects, such as that she brought up, totally eluded me. I assumed Tiny knew the system in place was the system. If I can be any assistance to parents out there in a similar situation (children with acronyms going through a divorce ((friendly)) it’s that talking about it must happen. Whatever IT is, it needs to be aired out.
This was a short entry, I know. There are things going on in my life that require more attention than my blogs. One of those things pertains to writing which I’ll discuss more in depth later. I am planning on getting back to a weekly pace AND if you have any questions for me about being Auggie’s Deddy feel free to ask. Thank you for reading. Take care and I hope you have enough.